I'LL MISS THIS HEADACHE

The things I've lost are where they belong
I'll miss this headache after it's gone
The face my memory tried to redact is back
I brought my scissors, show me the bomb

I'm doing nothing till the sun comes up
If I do anything then you'll see something's up
I'll stop at nothing just to get a bite
I can't do anything except tell myself it's fine
I'll lie in this ditch all night

Ooh the tide was full of drips
Ooh it rose and sank my ships
Ooh I fell into a skip, can't find my chip now

I'm doing nothing till the sun comes up
If I do anything then you'll see something's up
I'll stop at nothing just to get a bite
I can't do anything except tell myself it's fine
I'll lie in this ditch all night


FUTURE PLANS

Don't wanna keep your body on ice
Well we'd be glad to take you until the next life
We don't wanna be like the CSC
So make sure you've got this covered on your policy

So would you like to? That's good
Yes that's good I knew you would
That's good I knew you would
Sweaty pen in hand
The best of luck in your Arcady terrifying future plans

Future plans
Future plans

You drew your last breath six minutes from death
Antifreeze pumps through your veins, dry ice on the bed
A nitrogen tube is where you will wait
So far below freezing in your glass transition state

And some magic day they'll create
Micro machines that can repair
Your trillion damaged cells
Once they've cured old age
And wanna help our ancient clientele with all their future plans

Future plans
Future plans

Ten thousand years of sun will radiate its cosmic decay

Your family don't wanna pay
Believe me, I've explained
It's much cheaper to just keep the brain
But we're bankrupt and the power's off and so are all your plans

Future plans
Future plans


TOO SOON

Too soon to be making jokes
Please wait, we are too morose
I just can't believe he's really gone
Would you please stop making fun?
When will you oh when will you be done?

Too soon, wait a day at least
Stop interrupting the priest
And you seem genuinely dumbfounded
That your witticisms
Attracted so many criticisms

This is not cabaret
We are not entertained

Too soon, do do do do do
Too soon, do do do do do


BYE BYE BLACK SHEEP

This talk I give right into my eyes
In the dots of toothpaste and desilvering black
Adjust my name badge and tie
Put my hair into the shape of denial
Into the shape of denial
Used to think it was futile

The grimace welcomes me at my childhood door
The pat on the back and the no small talk
Bye bye black sheep
Same old anticlimax carving lines
On straw-filled camels' humps around my eyes
Bye bye black sheep, bye

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Used to act juvenile
Turned my back went outside
Stood in line by myself
Paid my fines, loved the smell
It won't be like before
Let you down, disappoint
But maybe someday you'll help me off my knees
And maybe you'll even give me a seat

The grimace welcomes me at my childhood door
The pat on the back and the no small talk
Bye bye black sheep
Same old anticlimax carving lines
On straw-filled camels' humps around my eyes
Bye bye black sheep, bye


BORING DREAMS

You have gathered an audience enthralled
About the things in your head the night before
Hard to take any more cause I have boring dreams
Everyone takes a turn, they're all the same
Standard imagery, weird and disarranged
Makes me wish I could change, I don't want boring dreams

You must find it strange
There's nothing in my dreams but the mundane
And I can't find a thing
Interesting to tell you about my dreams

Did you know that last night I dreamed of you
Just like Dorothy in this very room
Every day is a total redo of my dreams
Waking sleeping I can no longer tell
Doomed to live in this day recycling hell
Then I open my eyes and it was all a dream

You must find it strange
There's nothing in my dreams but the mundane
And I can't find a thing
Interesting to tell you about my dreams

Cause my dreams
Are boring
Boring

I just had the most boring dream last night
And I have the most boring dreams in life
Had the most boring dream cause I have boring dreams
I just had the most boring dream last night
And I have the most boring dreams in life
Had the most boring dream cause I have boring dreams
I just had the most boring dream last night
And I have the most boring dreams in life
Had the most boring dream cause I have boring dreams


LT. NAUGHTYMAN

Lieutenant Naughtyman you've shot someone
Hand in your badge and gun
Go have a daiquiri go play some golf
Think about what you've done

Life is the lineup you buy your way onto
But what do you do after it's gone to

Pissed off with you cause you're caring too much
You think caring is sharing
For two cents you won't give a damn tinker's cuss
Need a day off swearing

Life is the lineup you buy your way onto
But what do you do after it's gone to
What to do

Hand in your badge and your gun
Think about what you have done
Pissed off you're caring too much
Giving a damn tinker's cuss
Swallow your tongue

Lieutenant Naughtyman you've shot someone
Hand in your badge and gun
Go have a daiquiri go play some golf
Think about what you've done

Life is the lineup you buy your way onto
But what do you do with it after


THE BORING APOCALYPSE

(Instrumental... MADE YA LOOK)


ADVERTISER'S DREAM

Spoons full of sugar, no time to talk
Read all my news off a cardboard box
You say I am an advertiser's dream
Bibbed men can pull a truck on a chain
And so can I if I eat Nutri-Grain
You say I am an advertiser's dream

Keep crashing down from my sugar high
Suffocate sobbing, distorted eyes
I'm an advertiser's dream, oh yeah

Advertiser's dream, that is what I am
Have been since my life began
Advertiser's dream, for my whole lifespan
I've seen all the ads, I know all the brands
Fall for scams and I read all of my spam
All my spam

Gold arches reaching up in the sky
Dad just drives past, tells us we cry
"There's some new toy to nag for every week"
Mum's angry in the afternoon sun
I'm messing up the car, drips all down my front
I swear it's not my fault, it's the icecream

Eyelids blink tears like they've stepped in gum
It's serious, not just a tantrum
I'm an advertiser's dream, oh yeah

Advertiser's dream, that is what I am
Have been since my life began
Advertiser's dream, for my whole lifespan
I've seen all the ads, I know all the brands
Fall for scams and I read all of my spam
All my spam

Advertiser's dream, that is what I am
Have been since my life began
Advertiser's dream, that is what I am
Have been for my whole lifespan
Advertiser's dream, that is what I am
Have been since my life began
Advertiser's dream, for my whole lifespan
I've seen all the ads, I know all the brands
Fall for scams and I read all of my spam
All my spam


I GIVE UP

I give up acting like one of them, yeah
I give up blending into their world, I'm wasting my time
Takes so much to leave my bed when it's just a means to an end
Unless you've got some ideas, I give up

I give up trying to get into shape, yeah
I give up taking care of my health and seeing myself
It just takes up so much time, if I don't no one seems to mind
Unless you've got some ideas, I give up
Yeah, I give up

About to meet my new self for the first time
The old one's long since worn its welcome out
Cause I'm done playing bench in your ball game
Even though it's the only ball game in this town

I give up trying to be interesting, yeah
I give up taking interests in things that I don't like
All these paintings are just junk, everyone's a pretentious drunk
Unless you've got some ideas, I give up
Yeah, I give up

I give up
I give up
I give up


WE CAN BOTH BE BORED TOGETHER

I wanna go out but all of my friends are dead
Or they may as well be
I'm so down, got crumbs all over my bed
And this room's not roomy
Somebody's sleeping, someone's out
A fridge is beeping in my mouth
I crawl inside a beer on the couch

But I would walk out that door
If I could go round to yours
Cause maybe if you are bored
Then we can both be bored together, yeah
Then we can both be bored together, yeah
Then we can both be bored together, yeah

Both be bored together, yeah

Forgot to turn on a light
But I won't call it a night
I wanna get out the house
Do something cool, something grouse
and I would walk out that door
If I could go round to yours
Cause maybe if you are bored
Then we can both be bored together, yeah
Then we can both be bored together, yeah
Then we can both be bored together, yeah



 

FREUD'S SHIT NEPHEW

Wear hair long buy more hairnets
Green is in buy green cigarettes
Actors in lab coats announce
Thumbs up for the food in Pavlov's pound

 

Did I eat my canary?
Did you use your magic on me?

 

Physicians recommend you eat bacon and eggs
Defeat collectivists with morbid self-interest
So no more tea and toast, it's bacon coast to coast
The surgeon general declared it pleasurable
These dangerous primal urges
Sate my demons, send me for a splurge

 

Professional poison inside my head
It shapes the leaders and the led
Vaudeville pancakes with the president
Is there such thing as enough?
Can I turn the beeping off?
Make it stop

 

Wave your wand at Guatemala
Watch it turn into a banana
Move over Joseph Goebbels
Went off like a hundred Chernobyls

 

Did I eat my canary?
Did you use your magic on me?

 

Physicians recommend you eat bacon and eggs
Defeat collectivists with morbid self-interest
So no more tea and toast, it's bacon coast to coast
The surgeon general declared it pleasurable
These dangerous primal urges
Sate my demons, send me for a splurge

 

Professional poison inside my head
It shapes the leaders and the led
Vaudeville pancakes with the president
Is there such thing as enough?
Can I turn the beeping off?
Make it stop

 

Did I eat my canary?
Did you use your magic on me?

 

Physicians recommend you eat bacon and eggs
Defeat collectivists with morbid self-interest
So no more tea and toast, it's bacon coast to coast
The surgeon general declared it pleasurable
These dangerous primal urges
Sate my demons, send me for a splurge

 

Professional poison inside my head
It shapes the leaders and the led
Vaudeville pancakes with the president
Is there such thing as enough?
Can I turn the beeping off?

 

Professional poison inside my head
It shapes the leaders and the led
Vaudeville pancakes with the president
Is there such thing as enough?
Can I turn the beeping off?
Make it stop
Make it stop

 


I NEVER KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS

I never know what time it is
I never know what day it even is
I never know what time it is till it's too late
Maybe I should keep a diary
I never know what time it is till it's too late

I never know what time it is
I never know what day it even is
I never know what time it is till it's too late
Disorganised, good lord is that the time?
I never know what time it is till it's too late

 


DESERT ISLAND DICKS

We crashed a plane and we're stuck on a desert island yeah
Can't do a thing except send smoke signals up into the air
And we don't know how to survive
We're too civilised
O no, my god
And we've got time to kill
Get saved but until then let's be...
Desert island dicks

Desert island dicks, we're desert island dicks
And we run around and stab each other generally just acting like pricks
Desert island dicks, desert island
Desert island dicks, we're desert island dicks
Cause now tolerating other human beings is a problem we can fix
Desert island dicks, desert island dicks

Let's all be primitive let's all strip down to our underpants
Let's all make spears and kill each other and hide between the plants
Yeah let's hunt, fight and sometimes kill
Let's grow wings and gills
Yeah let's have fun
Cause we're not going home
So leave us alone for we've become....
Desert island

Desert island dicks, we're desert island dicks
And we run around and stab each other generally just acting like pricks
Desert island dicks, desert island
Desert island dicks, we're desert island dicks
Cause now tolerating other human beings is a problem we can fix
Desert island dicks, desert island dicks

 


CONSCIENCE MANUAL OVERRIDE

You think you're all there is
A star of denial
And that's how you ran him over
At zero miles

Your conscience has manual override
And the boredom keeps you up at night

There you are
A display kitchen that's come to life
In beige and slate
Looking out for number one
The work will stop
But it's never done

Your conscience has manual override
And the boredom keeps you up at night

 


DECOMPOSE AND SWIM

Under every drop of rain
From the seabed to the tide
Every drop of urine from dinosaurs
And every tear that's cried
Voices cross the ocean floor
Passing through you every day
As you carry their discussions
But you can't hear what they say

Shoot you up into space
Drop you one town away
Shoot you up into space
Drop you one town away
Shoot you up into space
Drop you down
One town away

Ancestors decompose and swim
Words run through wires
As sparks traverse this silent dream
Midwifed by divers

Shoot you up into space
Drop you one town away
Shoot you up into space
Drop you one town away
Shoot you up into space
Drop you down
One town away

 


SUPER BRAVO

La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la

 


OTHER PEOPLE

You've gotta be independent
You can't put weight on your friendships
You might think someone's beside you
But they can always surprise you
When they're nowhere to be found
They never lift you up, they let you down

Other people, other people
Other people, are the bane of
Other people, other people
Other people, are the bane of my life
Are the bane of my life

Isn't better to have loved and lost
I prefer to live at lower cost

Without emotional bonds
I'm free to just get things done
And though my life may be dull
At least it's in my control

Other people, other people
Other people, are the bane of
Other people, other people
Other people, are the bane of my life
Are the bane of my life
Are the bane of my life
Are the bane of my life
Are the bane of my life

 


C+

I'll just stay home and teach the dog to flush
We can split up the kids are old enough
And your hand's not even talking to me anymore
That's all right, I know I'm a bore

I'm C+
Right across the board
Neither bad nor good at anything
I wait for my reward

I'm C+
I'm informed, in touch
I know just a bit of everything
And not a lot of much

Forgettable fluid-faced pedestrian
Vanilla kaleidoscope I'm protean
And I never make a sound
Never thought that I'd amount
To someone so mentally sound

I'm C+
Right across the board
Neither bad nor good at anything
I wait for my reward

I'm C+
I'm informed, in touch
I know just a bit of everything
And not a lot of much

Once upon a time so long ago
I went up to my ivory dome
I'd never been out of my comfort zone
I'd never been so far from home

I'm C+
Right across the board
Neither bad nor good at anything
I wait for my reward
I'm C+
I'm informed, in touch
I know just a bit of everything
And not a lot of much

 


I LOVE EVERYTHING

I just wanted to tell you that
I love everything
And I don't even care because
I love everything, and now
I don't mind
Everything will work out fine
In the end
Unless the same thing happens to me again

I just woke up today and found
I love everything
It'll all be okay, you know
I love everything, I think
Life is good
Life will pan out like it should
In the end
Unless the same thing happens to me again

No other news, nothing to do
So I write to you
Don't be afraid, maybe someday
You could like me too

I just wanted to tell you that
I love everything
And I don't even care because
I love everything, and now
I don't mind
Everything will work out fine
In the end
Unless the same thing happens to me again


DOESN'T MATTER, NO ONE CARES

It doesn't matter how you live
What you get or what you give
Just how drunk or fit you get
Or if you win the bet
Or if you stay in bed

It doesn't matter, life's not fair
It doesn't matter and no one cares
How long you live or how you die
Or if you were a decent guy
It doesn't matter
And no one cares

 

If you leave or if you stay
How you choose to spend your day
You could find some things to do
Or hang out in your room
Writing hackneyed tunes

It doesn't matter, life's not fair
It doesn't matter and no one cares
How long you live or how you die
Or if you were a decent guy
It doesn't matter how you look
Or if you've never read a book
It doesn't matter
And no one cares

Do what you're told
Die when you're old
Know when to hold 'em
And fold 'em
Like Kenny Rogers

If you don't know what is in
Or do not understand that meme
Or if you've never seen that film
Or if you join a gym
Or if she chooses him

It doesn't matter, life's not fair
It doesn't matter and no one cares
How long you live or how you die
Or if you were a decent guy
It doesn't matter how you look
Or if you've never read a book
Or if you've never had a job
Or if you never find true love
It doesn't matter
And no one cares

MINDSTREAM TRANSFERENCE

Hang me upside down

I drink his bathwater from the magic pond

Space cartoons, women’s pubes, quests for truth

Tested gas on sheep

Then used it on our hit list when this guy

Tried to escape so we microwaved him

Now he’s in the lake

 

Bad karma’s bodies pile up as you stand in our way

With the art of conscious dying you’ll be saved from that fate

Very soon, you’ll be still and lying

 

Only we will be here beyond these years

Spiritual scientists remain

After World War Three kills the nuclear beast

Anthrax and Ebola, Russian helicopters

Millions in U.S. dollars, I’ll ride my rocket

Just like in Asimov, like in anime

 

Bad karma’s bodies pile up as you stand in our way

With the art of conscious dying you’ll be saved from that fate

This is just an act of kindness, if you knew, if you knew

Very soon, you’ll be still and lying in the fumes

WHERE DID ALL THE FUN GO TO DIE

Now it’s just the two of us

Playing in a nuclear swamp

Oh, oh, the fun never dies

Don’t worry ‘bout your falling teeth

There’s nobody around to see

Let’s not let the fun ever die

Think of all the times that we can’t get back

When we used to ask

Where did all the fun go to die?

Yeah when did all the fun crawl off and die?

 

Nervously the friends would stand

Not knowing where to put their hands

Sort of feeling dumb; the end was nigh

But now it’s just the two of us

Playing ‘neath a dying sun

Let’s not let the fun be first to die

Think of all the times that we can’t get back

When we used to ask

Where did all the fun go to die?

Yeah when did all the fun crawl off and die?

Yeah where is all the fun?

 

Think of all the times that we can’t get back

When we used to ask Where is all the fun?

Think of all the times that we can’t get back

When we used to ask

Where is all the fun?

THE ANGEL

We are alone in here

And we have always been

You have grown comfortable

You are enslaved by a routine

In a rut

A glut of apathy

Indifference abounds

I swear this building can

Really bring me down

None of you guys like it here

You do not actually like it here

But you stay although it’s bleak

And you keep coming back every week

 

Can we leave the Angel?

Can we leave the Angel?

Ahh, ahh

 

Your eyes inspecting as

You pull apart your food

You are suspicious that

It might not be cooked

In some parts

You say it’s not that bad

But you are in denial

You know this makes you sick

Your standards have died

Soon as I open the door

The smell it hits my face like a board

And I cannot take much more

The urge to leave here I can’t ignore

 

Can we leave the Angel?

Can we leave the Angel?

Ahh, ahh

 

Every time we disagree

Do this every single week

Only cancel under three

We hate the food and the bartenders

We hate the tunes and the old gamblers

We hate the screens, not so much the beer

 

Can we leave the Angel?

Can we leave the Angel?

Ahh, ahh

Can we leave the Angel?

Can we leave the Angel?

Ahh, ahh

LONELY CELEBS EAT BAROQUE SUSHI

So byzantine, the social ladder climb

Know where to dine, right place at the right time

Celebutante, see what you flaunt

You cash your cheques as everyone expects

But then the press says you caught the simplex

From having sex, with your whole Roladex

 

They orbit as if on conveyor belts

And surrounded in glamour and great wealth

Lonely celebs eat baroque sushi

It’s taking a ride on a sushi train

It’s all wall-to-wall fog of social pain

Lonely celebs eat baroque sushi

 

Talking ‘cross a canyon, oh boo hoo

Lack of a companion, oh boo hoo

No meaningful people, just some twelfth Beatles

And Evil Kneavel

 

They orbit as if on conveyor belts

And surrounded in glamour and great wealth

Lonely celebs eat baroque sushi

It’s taking a ride on a sushi train

It’s all wall-to-wall fog of social pain

Lonely celebs eat baroque sushi

PETER GOD

I came out of the ocean for this?

There’s not a drop to breathe

I’m strapping on my helmet

For the bricks

Slow mo, I fell on my keys

My nose, I drool on my sleeve

Ice flows, the wheeze on the breeze

It blows

I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.

Can fake my way for just a little longer

It won't be long til nothing's left that works

I try to put the pages back in order

Watch my life unwritten in reverse

The fog returns for yet another daydream

I'm losing it, forgetting all the rules

I hope that you can see how I'm behaving

Reel me in when I look like a fool

 

And if I go too mad please promise me you'll shoot me

Yeah don't hold back cause soon enough I will be gone

Cause if I have mood swings I will do bad things

Promise me You'll stop me doing wrong

Cause I don't know anymore

And I don't know if I ever knew

Yeah I don't know

 

I'm trying to stay on top from underneath this

I see you turn so red on my behalf

Your name and face are standing up and leaving

I just want, I just want this to last

 

And if I go too mad please promise me you'll shoot me

Yeah don't hold back cause soon enough I will be gone

Cause if I have mood swings I will do bad things

Promise me You'll stop me doing wrong

Cause I don't know anymore

And I don't know if I ever knew

Yeah I don't know anymore

And I don't know if I ever knew

 

And I won't even miss you

There'll be no way to know

Cause I don't know anymore

And I don't know if I ever knew

Yeah I don't know anymore

And I don't know if I ever knew

Yeah I don't know

HIGH SCHOOL WAS SHITHOUSE

Obliviously overweight

I just never felt quite right

Talking about things we hated

We couldn’t think of things we liked

Waking up so bleary-eyed

Too young to be dead inside

Just in case you don’t remember well

High school was shithouse

High school was shithouse

High school was not grouse

 

The seconds felt like centuries

Slouching down behind the chapel

Little became memories

Yeah just making bets and kicking apples

Yawning through the afternoon

Need to leave, never too soon

Just in case you don’t remember well

High school was shithouse

High school was shithouse

High school was shithouse

High school was shithouse

 

Your gaze is constantly cast down

It’s hard when you don’t have a clue

Don’t wanna make any sound

Don’t know what is lame and what is cool

Eminem hair and Fubu

While I thought glam metal ruled

Just in case you don’t remember well

High school was shithouse

High school was shithouse

High school was shithouse

High school was shithouse

PICTURES OF HIS BIKE

We were concerned, we rang the bell

We jimmied his garage and found the smell

Wall-to-wall inside

Were pictures of his bike

Shining proudly in the dank

As he lay beside, decayed and rank

Flies blew in the dark

With pictures of his bike

I couldn't understand

The time and love he sacrificed

I wondered what was the appeal

Yeah what a futile way to spend your life, life, life, life

 

And the house was weirdly bare

We dug around and found his will in there

All he left his wife

Were pictures of his bike

Who by now was long estranged

And she didn't seem to think it strange

She knew all about

His stupid fucking bike

We gave it to his kid

Who gave it to the nature strip

We’d never even seen him ride

Yeah what a stupid way to spend your life, life, life, life

 

All your time that's left on this earth

What do you believe that it's worth?

All your time that's left on this earth

What do you believe that it's worth?

EXIT INTERVIEW

Blame it on my face but that's just cruel

Blame it on my personality but that's mean

You've made your feelings clear

Onwards upwards, I’ll still be right here

You're moving on, all the best, I guess

 

Exit interview, in your view, tell me how I could improve

Is there anything I could do?

Exit interview, help me to, have better luck than I did with you

Tell me ‘fore you fade from my view

On a scale of one to ten, from beginning until end, how did I do?

 

I can take constructive criticism

Guess I’ll see you on your way back down

So fill in this feedback form

Hand me back my clipboard when you're done

Gimme some tips

I've just got some questions 1 or 2

Then I’ll leave you alone I promise you

 

Exit interview, in your view, tell me how I could improve

Is there anything I could do?

Exit interview, may as well, get some info out of you

Tell me ‘fore you fade from my view

On a scale of one to ten, from beginning until end, how did I do?

SAD, SAD SATURDAY NIGHT

Maybe I should open up a window or something

Get some fresh air in the place and breathe it in

The people below me in the street

Have parties to go to, friends to meet

It’s just a loser’s night in

 

It’s just a sad, sad, sad, sad Saturday night

It’s just a sad, sad Saturday night

It’s just a sad, sad, sad, sad Saturday night

It’s just a sad, sad Saturday night

But it’s all right I’m really fine

 

Maybe I should slipper up, take a little drive

Treat myself to something extra nice to drink (ooh)

The people in front of me in line

They’re dressed for a date they’re buying wine

It’s just a loser’s night in

 

It’s just a sad, sad, sad, sad Saturday night

It’s just a sad, sad Saturday night

It’s just a sad, sad, sad, sad Saturday night

It’s just a sad, sad Saturday night