I'LL MISS THIS HEADACHE
The things I've lost are where they belong
I'll miss this headache after it's gone
The face my memory tried to redact is back
I brought my scissors, show me the bomb
I'm doing nothing till the sun comes up
If I do anything then you'll see something's up
I'll stop at nothing just to get a bite
I can't do anything except tell myself it's fine
I'll lie in this ditch all night
Ooh the tide was full of drips
Ooh it rose and sank my ships
Ooh I fell into a skip, can't find my chip now
I'm doing nothing till the sun comes up
If I do anything then you'll see something's up
I'll stop at nothing just to get a bite
I can't do anything except tell myself it's fine
I'll lie in this ditch all night
FUTURE PLANS
Don't wanna keep your body on ice
Well we'd be glad to take you until the next life
We don't wanna be like the CSC
So make sure you've got this covered on your policy
So would you like to? That's good
Yes that's good I knew you would
That's good I knew you would
Sweaty pen in hand
The best of luck in your Arcady terrifying future plans
Future plans
Future plans
You drew your last breath six minutes from death
Antifreeze pumps through your veins, dry ice on the bed
A nitrogen tube is where you will wait
So far below freezing in your glass transition state
And some magic day they'll create
Micro machines that can repair
Your trillion damaged cells
Once they've cured old age
And wanna help our ancient clientele with all their future plans
Future plans
Future plans
Ten thousand years of sun will radiate its cosmic decay
Your family don't wanna pay
Believe me, I've explained
It's much cheaper to just keep the brain
But we're bankrupt and the power's off and so are all your plans
Future plans
Future plans
TOO SOON
Too soon to be making jokes
Please wait, we are too morose
I just can't believe he's really gone
Would you please stop making fun?
When will you oh when will you be done?
Too soon, wait a day at least
Stop interrupting the priest
And you seem genuinely dumbfounded
That your witticisms
Attracted so many criticisms
This is not cabaret
We are not entertained
Too soon, do do do do do
Too soon, do do do do do
BYE BYE BLACK SHEEP
This talk I give right into my eyes
In the dots of toothpaste and desilvering black
Adjust my name badge and tie
Put my hair into the shape of denial
Into the shape of denial
Used to think it was futile
The grimace welcomes me at my childhood door
The pat on the back and the no small talk
Bye bye black sheep
Same old anticlimax carving lines
On straw-filled camels' humps around my eyes
Bye bye black sheep, bye
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Used to act juvenile
Turned my back went outside
Stood in line by myself
Paid my fines, loved the smell
It won't be like before
Let you down, disappoint
But maybe someday you'll help me off my knees
And maybe you'll even give me a seat
The grimace welcomes me at my childhood door
The pat on the back and the no small talk
Bye bye black sheep
Same old anticlimax carving lines
On straw-filled camels' humps around my eyes
Bye bye black sheep, bye
BORING DREAMS
You have gathered an audience enthralled
About the things in your head the night before
Hard to take any more cause I have boring dreams
Everyone takes a turn, they're all the same
Standard imagery, weird and disarranged
Makes me wish I could change, I don't want boring dreams
You must find it strange
There's nothing in my dreams but the mundane
And I can't find a thing
Interesting to tell you about my dreams
Did you know that last night I dreamed of you
Just like Dorothy in this very room
Every day is a total redo of my dreams
Waking sleeping I can no longer tell
Doomed to live in this day recycling hell
Then I open my eyes and it was all a dream
You must find it strange
There's nothing in my dreams but the mundane
And I can't find a thing
Interesting to tell you about my dreams
Cause my dreams
Are boring
Boring
I just had the most boring dream last night
And I have the most boring dreams in life
Had the most boring dream cause I have boring dreams
I just had the most boring dream last night
And I have the most boring dreams in life
Had the most boring dream cause I have boring dreams
I just had the most boring dream last night
And I have the most boring dreams in life
Had the most boring dream cause I have boring dreams
LT. NAUGHTYMAN
Lieutenant Naughtyman you've shot someone
Hand in your badge and gun
Go have a daiquiri go play some golf
Think about what you've done
Life is the lineup you buy your way onto
But what do you do after it's gone to
Pissed off with you cause you're caring too much
You think caring is sharing
For two cents you won't give a damn tinker's cuss
Need a day off swearing
Life is the lineup you buy your way onto
But what do you do after it's gone to
What to do
Hand in your badge and your gun
Think about what you have done
Pissed off you're caring too much
Giving a damn tinker's cuss
Swallow your tongue
Lieutenant Naughtyman you've shot someone
Hand in your badge and gun
Go have a daiquiri go play some golf
Think about what you've done
Life is the lineup you buy your way onto
But what do you do with it after
THE BORING APOCALYPSE
(Instrumental... MADE YA LOOK)
ADVERTISER'S DREAM
Spoons full of sugar, no time to talk
Read all my news off a cardboard box
You say I am an advertiser's dream
Bibbed men can pull a truck on a chain
And so can I if I eat Nutri-Grain
You say I am an advertiser's dream
Keep crashing down from my sugar high
Suffocate sobbing, distorted eyes
I'm an advertiser's dream, oh yeah
Advertiser's dream, that is what I am
Have been since my life began
Advertiser's dream, for my whole lifespan
I've seen all the ads, I know all the brands
Fall for scams and I read all of my spam
All my spam
Gold arches reaching up in the sky
Dad just drives past, tells us we cry
"There's some new toy to nag for every week"
Mum's angry in the afternoon sun
I'm messing up the car, drips all down my front
I swear it's not my fault, it's the icecream
Eyelids blink tears like they've stepped in gum
It's serious, not just a tantrum
I'm an advertiser's dream, oh yeah
Advertiser's dream, that is what I am
Have been since my life began
Advertiser's dream, for my whole lifespan
I've seen all the ads, I know all the brands
Fall for scams and I read all of my spam
All my spam
Advertiser's dream, that is what I am
Have been since my life began
Advertiser's dream, that is what I am
Have been for my whole lifespan
Advertiser's dream, that is what I am
Have been since my life began
Advertiser's dream, for my whole lifespan
I've seen all the ads, I know all the brands
Fall for scams and I read all of my spam
All my spam
I GIVE UP
I give up acting like one of them, yeah
I give up blending into their world, I'm wasting my time
Takes so much to leave my bed when it's just a means to an end
Unless you've got some ideas, I give up
I give up trying to get into shape, yeah
I give up taking care of my health and seeing myself
It just takes up so much time, if I don't no one seems to mind
Unless you've got some ideas, I give up
Yeah, I give up
About to meet my new self for the first time
The old one's long since worn its welcome out
Cause I'm done playing bench in your ball game
Even though it's the only ball game in this town
I give up trying to be interesting, yeah
I give up taking interests in things that I don't like
All these paintings are just junk, everyone's a pretentious drunk
Unless you've got some ideas, I give up
Yeah, I give up
I give up
I give up
I give up
WE CAN BOTH BE BORED TOGETHER
I wanna go out but all of my friends are dead
Or they may as well be
I'm so down, got crumbs all over my bed
And this room's not roomy
Somebody's sleeping, someone's out
A fridge is beeping in my mouth
I crawl inside a beer on the couch
But I would walk out that door
If I could go round to yours
Cause maybe if you are bored
Then we can both be bored together, yeah
Then we can both be bored together, yeah
Then we can both be bored together, yeah
Both be bored together, yeah
Forgot to turn on a light
But I won't call it a night
I wanna get out the house
Do something cool, something grouse
and I would walk out that door
If I could go round to yours
Cause maybe if you are bored
Then we can both be bored together, yeah
Then we can both be bored together, yeah
Then we can both be bored together, yeah
FREUD'S SHIT NEPHEW
​
Wear hair long buy more hairnets
Green is in buy green cigarettes
Actors in lab coats announce
Thumbs up for the food in Pavlov's pound
Did I eat my canary?
Did you use your magic on me?
Physicians recommend you eat bacon and eggs
Defeat collectivists with morbid self-interest
So no more tea and toast, it's bacon coast to coast
The surgeon general declared it pleasurable
These dangerous primal urges
Sate my demons, send me for a splurge
Professional poison inside my head
It shapes the leaders and the led
Vaudeville pancakes with the president
Is there such thing as enough?
Can I turn the beeping off?
Make it stop
Wave your wand at Guatemala
Watch it turn into a banana
Move over Joseph Goebbels
Went off like a hundred Chernobyls
Did I eat my canary?
Did you use your magic on me?
Physicians recommend you eat bacon and eggs
Defeat collectivists with morbid self-interest
So no more tea and toast, it's bacon coast to coast
The surgeon general declared it pleasurable
These dangerous primal urges
Sate my demons, send me for a splurge
Professional poison inside my head
It shapes the leaders and the led
Vaudeville pancakes with the president
Is there such thing as enough?
Can I turn the beeping off?
Make it stop
Did I eat my canary?
Did you use your magic on me?
Physicians recommend you eat bacon and eggs
Defeat collectivists with morbid self-interest
So no more tea and toast, it's bacon coast to coast
The surgeon general declared it pleasurable
These dangerous primal urges
Sate my demons, send me for a splurge
Professional poison inside my head
It shapes the leaders and the led
Vaudeville pancakes with the president
Is there such thing as enough?
Can I turn the beeping off?
Professional poison inside my head
It shapes the leaders and the led
Vaudeville pancakes with the president
Is there such thing as enough?
Can I turn the beeping off?
Make it stop
Make it stop
I NEVER KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS
​
I never know what time it is
I never know what day it even is
I never know what time it is till it's too late
Maybe I should keep a diary
I never know what time it is till it's too late
​
I never know what time it is
I never know what day it even is
I never know what time it is till it's too late
Disorganised, good lord is that the time?
I never know what time it is till it's too late
DESERT ISLAND DICKS
​
We crashed a plane and we're stuck on a desert island yeah
Can't do a thing except send smoke signals up into the air
And we don't know how to survive
We're too civilised
O no, my god
And we've got time to kill
Get saved but until then let's be...
Desert island dicks
​
Desert island dicks, we're desert island dicks
And we run around and stab each other generally just acting like pricks
Desert island dicks, desert island
Desert island dicks, we're desert island dicks
Cause now tolerating other human beings is a problem we can fix
Desert island dicks, desert island dicks
​
Let's all be primitive let's all strip down to our underpants
Let's all make spears and kill each other and hide between the plants
Yeah let's hunt, fight and sometimes kill
Let's grow wings and gills
Yeah let's have fun
Cause we're not going home
So leave us alone for we've become....
Desert island
​
Desert island dicks, we're desert island dicks
And we run around and stab each other generally just acting like pricks
Desert island dicks, desert island
Desert island dicks, we're desert island dicks
Cause now tolerating other human beings is a problem we can fix
Desert island dicks, desert island dicks
CONSCIENCE MANUAL OVERRIDE
​
You think you're all there is
A star of denial
And that's how you ran him over
At zero miles
​
Your conscience has manual override
And the boredom keeps you up at night
​
There you are
A display kitchen that's come to life
In beige and slate
Looking out for number one
The work will stop
But it's never done
​
Your conscience has manual override
And the boredom keeps you up at night
DECOMPOSE AND SWIM
​
Under every drop of rain
From the seabed to the tide
Every drop of urine from dinosaurs
And every tear that's cried
Voices cross the ocean floor
Passing through you every day
As you carry their discussions
But you can't hear what they say
​
Shoot you up into space
Drop you one town away
Shoot you up into space
Drop you one town away
Shoot you up into space
Drop you down
One town away
​
Ancestors decompose and swim
Words run through wires
As sparks traverse this silent dream
Midwifed by divers
​
Shoot you up into space
Drop you one town away
Shoot you up into space
Drop you one town away
Shoot you up into space
Drop you down
One town away
SUPER BRAVO
​
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la
OTHER PEOPLE
​
You've gotta be independent
You can't put weight on your friendships
You might think someone's beside you
But they can always surprise you
When they're nowhere to be found
They never lift you up, they let you down
​
Other people, other people
Other people, are the bane of
Other people, other people
Other people, are the bane of my life
Are the bane of my life
​
Isn't better to have loved and lost
I prefer to live at lower cost
​
Without emotional bonds
I'm free to just get things done
And though my life may be dull
At least it's in my control
​
Other people, other people
Other people, are the bane of
Other people, other people
Other people, are the bane of my life
Are the bane of my life
Are the bane of my life
Are the bane of my life
Are the bane of my life
C+
​
I'll just stay home and teach the dog to flush
We can split up the kids are old enough
And your hand's not even talking to me anymore
That's all right, I know I'm a bore
​
I'm C+
Right across the board
Neither bad nor good at anything
I wait for my reward
I'm C+
I'm informed, in touch
I know just a bit of everything
And not a lot of much
​
Forgettable fluid-faced pedestrian
Vanilla kaleidoscope I'm protean
And I never make a sound
Never thought that I'd amount
To someone so mentally sound
​
I'm C+
Right across the board
Neither bad nor good at anything
I wait for my reward
I'm C+
I'm informed, in touch
I know just a bit of everything
And not a lot of much
​
Once upon a time so long ago
I went up to my ivory dome
I'd never been out of my comfort zone
I'd never been so far from home
​
I'm C+
Right across the board
Neither bad nor good at anything
I wait for my reward
I'm C+
I'm informed, in touch
I know just a bit of everything
And not a lot of much
I LOVE EVERYTHING
​
I just wanted to tell you that
I love everything
And I don't even care because
I love everything, and now
I don't mind
Everything will work out fine
In the end
Unless the same thing happens to me again
​
I just woke up today and found
I love everything
It'll all be okay, you know
I love everything, I think
Life is good
Life will pan out like it should
In the end
Unless the same thing happens to me again
​
No other news, nothing to do
So I write to you
Don't be afraid, maybe someday
You could like me too
​
I just wanted to tell you that
I love everything
And I don't even care because
I love everything, and now
I don't mind
Everything will work out fine
In the end
Unless the same thing happens to me again
​
DOESN'T MATTER, NO ONE CARES
​
It doesn't matter how you live
What you get or what you give
Just how drunk or fit you get
Or if you win the bet
Or if you stay in bed
​
It doesn't matter, life's not fair
It doesn't matter and no one cares
How long you live or how you die
Or if you were a decent guy
It doesn't matter
And no one cares
If you leave or if you stay
How you choose to spend your day
You could find some things to do
Or hang out in your room
Writing hackneyed tunes
​
It doesn't matter, life's not fair
It doesn't matter and no one cares
How long you live or how you die
Or if you were a decent guy
It doesn't matter how you look
Or if you've never read a book
It doesn't matter
And no one cares
​
Do what you're told
Die when you're old
Know when to hold 'em
And fold 'em
Like Kenny Rogers
​
If you don't know what is in
Or do not understand that meme
Or if you've never seen that film
Or if you join a gym
Or if she chooses him
​
It doesn't matter, life's not fair
It doesn't matter and no one cares
How long you live or how you die
Or if you were a decent guy
It doesn't matter how you look
Or if you've never read a book
Or if you've never had a job
Or if you never find true love
It doesn't matter
And no one cares
​
​
MINDSTREAM TRANSFERENCE
​
Hang me upside down
I drink his bathwater from the magic pond
Space cartoons, women’s pubes, quests for truth
Tested gas on sheep
Then used it on our hit list when this guy
Tried to escape so we microwaved him
Now he’s in the lake
Bad karma’s bodies pile up as you stand in our way
With the art of conscious dying you’ll be saved from that fate
Very soon, you’ll be still and lying
Only we will be here beyond these years
Spiritual scientists remain
After World War Three kills the nuclear beast
Anthrax and Ebola, Russian helicopters
Millions in U.S. dollars, I’ll ride my rocket
Just like in Asimov, like in anime
Bad karma’s bodies pile up as you stand in our way
With the art of conscious dying you’ll be saved from that fate
This is just an act of kindness, if you knew, if you knew
Very soon, you’ll be still and lying in the fumes
​
​
WHERE DID ALL THE FUN GO TO DIE
​
Now it’s just the two of us
Playing in a nuclear swamp
Oh, oh, the fun never dies
Don’t worry ‘bout your falling teeth
There’s nobody around to see
Let’s not let the fun ever die
Think of all the times that we can’t get back
When we used to ask
Where did all the fun go to die?
Yeah when did all the fun crawl off and die?
Nervously the friends would stand
Not knowing where to put their hands
Sort of feeling dumb; the end was nigh
But now it’s just the two of us
Playing ‘neath a dying sun
Let’s not let the fun be first to die
Think of all the times that we can’t get back
When we used to ask
Where did all the fun go to die?
Yeah when did all the fun crawl off and die?
Yeah where is all the fun?
Think of all the times that we can’t get back
When we used to ask Where is all the fun?
Think of all the times that we can’t get back
When we used to ask
Where is all the fun?
​
​
THE ANGEL
​
We are alone in here
And we have always been
You have grown comfortable
You are enslaved by a routine
In a rut
A glut of apathy
Indifference abounds
I swear this building can
Really bring me down
None of you guys like it here
You do not actually like it here
But you stay although it’s bleak
And you keep coming back every week
Can we leave the Angel?
Can we leave the Angel?
Ahh, ahh
Your eyes inspecting as
You pull apart your food
You are suspicious that
It might not be cooked
In some parts
You say it’s not that bad
But you are in denial
You know this makes you sick
Your standards have died
Soon as I open the door
The smell it hits my face like a board
And I cannot take much more
The urge to leave here I can’t ignore
Can we leave the Angel?
Can we leave the Angel?
Ahh, ahh
Every time we disagree
Do this every single week
Only cancel under three
We hate the food and the bartenders
We hate the tunes and the old gamblers
We hate the screens, not so much the beer
Can we leave the Angel?
Can we leave the Angel?
Ahh, ahh
Can we leave the Angel?
Can we leave the Angel?
Ahh, ahh
​
​
LONELY CELEBS EAT BAROQUE SUSHI
​
So byzantine, the social ladder climb
Know where to dine, right place at the right time
Celebutante, see what you flaunt
You cash your cheques as everyone expects
But then the press says you caught the simplex
From having sex, with your whole Roladex
They orbit as if on conveyor belts
And surrounded in glamour and great wealth
Lonely celebs eat baroque sushi
It’s taking a ride on a sushi train
It’s all wall-to-wall fog of social pain
Lonely celebs eat baroque sushi
Talking ‘cross a canyon, oh boo hoo
Lack of a companion, oh boo hoo
No meaningful people, just some twelfth Beatles
And Evil Kneavel
They orbit as if on conveyor belts
And surrounded in glamour and great wealth
Lonely celebs eat baroque sushi
It’s taking a ride on a sushi train
It’s all wall-to-wall fog of social pain
Lonely celebs eat baroque sushi
​
​
PETER GOD
​
I came out of the ocean for this?
There’s not a drop to breathe
I’m strapping on my helmet
For the bricks
Slow mo, I fell on my keys
My nose, I drool on my sleeve
Ice flows, the wheeze on the breeze
It blows
​
​
I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.
​
Can fake my way for just a little longer
It won't be long til nothing's left that works
I try to put the pages back in order
Watch my life unwritten in reverse
The fog returns for yet another daydream
I'm losing it, forgetting all the rules
I hope that you can see how I'm behaving
Reel me in when I look like a fool
And if I go too mad please promise me you'll shoot me
Yeah don't hold back cause soon enough I will be gone
Cause if I have mood swings I will do bad things
Promise me You'll stop me doing wrong
Cause I don't know anymore
And I don't know if I ever knew
Yeah I don't know
I'm trying to stay on top from underneath this
I see you turn so red on my behalf
Your name and face are standing up and leaving
I just want, I just want this to last
And if I go too mad please promise me you'll shoot me
Yeah don't hold back cause soon enough I will be gone
Cause if I have mood swings I will do bad things
Promise me You'll stop me doing wrong
Cause I don't know anymore
And I don't know if I ever knew
Yeah I don't know anymore
And I don't know if I ever knew
And I won't even miss you
There'll be no way to know
Cause I don't know anymore
And I don't know if I ever knew
Yeah I don't know anymore
And I don't know if I ever knew
Yeah I don't know
​
​
HIGH SCHOOL WAS SHITHOUSE
​
Obliviously overweight
I just never felt quite right
Talking about things we hated
We couldn’t think of things we liked
Waking up so bleary-eyed
Too young to be dead inside
Just in case you don’t remember well
High school was shithouse
High school was shithouse
High school was not grouse
The seconds felt like centuries
Slouching down behind the chapel
Little became memories
Yeah just making bets and kicking apples
Yawning through the afternoon
Need to leave, never too soon
Just in case you don’t remember well
High school was shithouse
High school was shithouse
High school was shithouse
High school was shithouse
Your gaze is constantly cast down
It’s hard when you don’t have a clue
Don’t wanna make any sound
Don’t know what is lame and what is cool
Eminem hair and Fubu
While I thought glam metal ruled
Just in case you don’t remember well
High school was shithouse
High school was shithouse
High school was shithouse
High school was shithouse
​
​
PICTURES OF HIS BIKE
​
We were concerned, we rang the bell
We jimmied his garage and found the smell
Wall-to-wall inside
Were pictures of his bike
Shining proudly in the dank
As he lay beside, decayed and rank
Flies blew in the dark
With pictures of his bike
I couldn't understand
The time and love he sacrificed
I wondered what was the appeal
Yeah what a futile way to spend your life, life, life, life
And the house was weirdly bare
We dug around and found his will in there
All he left his wife
Were pictures of his bike
Who by now was long estranged
And she didn't seem to think it strange
She knew all about
His stupid fucking bike
We gave it to his kid
Who gave it to the nature strip
We’d never even seen him ride
Yeah what a stupid way to spend your life, life, life, life
All your time that's left on this earth
What do you believe that it's worth?
All your time that's left on this earth
What do you believe that it's worth?
​
​
EXIT INTERVIEW
​
Blame it on my face but that's just cruel
Blame it on my personality but that's mean
You've made your feelings clear
Onwards upwards, I’ll still be right here
You're moving on, all the best, I guess
Exit interview, in your view, tell me how I could improve
Is there anything I could do?
Exit interview, help me to, have better luck than I did with you
Tell me ‘fore you fade from my view
On a scale of one to ten, from beginning until end, how did I do?
I can take constructive criticism
Guess I’ll see you on your way back down
So fill in this feedback form
Hand me back my clipboard when you're done
Gimme some tips
I've just got some questions 1 or 2
Then I’ll leave you alone I promise you
Exit interview, in your view, tell me how I could improve
Is there anything I could do?
Exit interview, may as well, get some info out of you
Tell me ‘fore you fade from my view
On a scale of one to ten, from beginning until end, how did I do?
​
​
SAD, SAD SATURDAY NIGHT
​
Maybe I should open up a window or something
Get some fresh air in the place and breathe it in
The people below me in the street
Have parties to go to, friends to meet
It’s just a loser’s night in
It’s just a sad, sad, sad, sad Saturday night
It’s just a sad, sad Saturday night
It’s just a sad, sad, sad, sad Saturday night
It’s just a sad, sad Saturday night
But it’s all right I’m really fine
Maybe I should slipper up, take a little drive
Treat myself to something extra nice to drink (ooh)
The people in front of me in line
They’re dressed for a date they’re buying wine
It’s just a loser’s night in
It’s just a sad, sad, sad, sad Saturday night
It’s just a sad, sad Saturday night
It’s just a sad, sad, sad, sad Saturday night
It’s just a sad, sad Saturday night
​
​